A while ago, we lost a friend in a tragic biking accident. He was riding home at night when he got hit by a truck.
On the night, I was in disbelief and had one little crying fit that the manbun managed to quiet by reminding me that he’s in a better place and we don’t have to worry about him. And I was fine also the day after. But as I wanted to prepare for my next bar exam on another day, all I can hear is his laugh. It was so unique, all the memories I have is of a carefree guy who made laughing his priority.
Actually, my forever favourite memory is him exploring a polaroid camera. It was on the very last film that we wanted to shoot as a group later that night. So D being the curious guy he was, picks it up and somehow manages to shoot the inside of his nose. There goes our chance to capture the night from a different angle. But we laughed so much again and again about this fun little memory. And I will forever think about it when I see a polaroid camera.
Now, as weeks have passed, he greets me in my thoughts when I hear about his home country, when I see polaroid pictures or people ask about him. And yes, I miss him; but what I feel in those moments is not the pain of not having him here, but the joy about the memories we have shared, smiling because he himself was a funny goofball.
I remember death in a very different way: when I was younger, I would spend long nights in the kitchen asking my mum about the grandpa I never knew, whether I’d ever get to meet him , what he was like.. It was a dark thing and the pain of missing someone made me anxious even at such a young age. Other than that, death has always been a very distant subject for me, yet daunting and something I’d feared, not for my own death (since I’d be dead, so why would I be sad), but for the loss of others.
So I asked myself: what does death mean? It means, a journey on Earth is ending. The person is graduating to Heaven and will then look down on us. That specific person will still be part of our life, just from a different angle. The past isn’t erased, the memories aren’t lost, but our walk together post-poned.
So this year, 2018, as a year where so many friends got married or had babies, we also lost two young people under devastating circumstances. But for the way they celebrated life, I refuse to mourn endlessly and complain and get dragged down. Yes, it’s perfectly fine to cry & God knows, I have my fair share of those cry moments still, but in the end, life is a mystery to us, and so is death.
Ending on a cliché: the dreams those two will never get to put into action are a motivation for me to move forward and have them cheer for us from Heaven. Talk to you some day, dear friend!
SO GOOD. LUV YA.
This la beautiful! And so inspiring! I gotta keep living and making the most of the dreams that have been entrusted to us!! Thank you for sharing this ?